Inevitably in life there will be a time when we all face a major life transition. For most of us this will happen many times over the span of our lifetime.

Sometimes this major life change is one we are CHOOSING to make. We know this is not going to be easy, but we believe that taking another path will be better for our lives. For example, I have supported clients who made the difficult but necessary decision to leave toxic work environments, end abusive relationships, close struggling businesses, or transition to entirely new careers. Sometimes the major life transition we choose is to make a positive move toward a life goal. Even these exciting and often welcomed changes can bring up a ton of doubts. For example, buying a new home, moving to a new city, or starting a new job.

Understanding Worry During Life Transitions

Other times, it is a change that is thrust upon us. We lose a job, we are broken up with, a loved one passes away.

Whether a change is being thrust upon us or is of our own doing, often we do not feel prepared and a host of “What if” and “How the heck do I…” questions flood the mind. Constantly. On repeat.

It’s so easy for our mind to keep jumping ahead with “How in the world am I going to make it all happen? How will it all pan out?”  I would say this is the “default” state most of us fall into. 

We play the “choose your own adventure” stories out in our mind. One catastrophic thinking pattern after another. 

The Mind’s Need for Certainty: Why We Create Stories

Choose Your Own Adventure stories were popular when I was a kid. I used to love to read these books. They allow the reader to make decisions for the main character as the story unfolds. These decisions and choices lead the character to different story endings. I would read and reread the same story until I exhausted every possible outcome I felt I could get by making every different combination of decisions possible.

In life, we have no way of knowing how the future will unfold exactly. This can be frustrating to those that really crave certainty and have trouble making decisions without a feeling that it is going “to work out”. Often, those that struggle with OCD are particularly interested in rehearsing a story and striving for a feeling of certainty. This imagining and catastrophic thinking keeps us stuck in worry loops. Creating one storyline after another. Trying endlessly for an ending that allows us to avoid any pain, uncomfortable emotions, or discomfort.

Finding Peace With Uncertainty

But, ask yourself, “Would I REALLY want to know how everything works out in the end every time? How would knowing the future of everything before it actually happens enhance my life? Would that take away the joy, wonder, and awe that I experience in life? Would KNOWING all the loss and sadness ahead of me ACTUALLY prepare me for the event? Truly? Would knowing all of the beautiful surprises and blessings ahead of me steal some of the joy of experiencing things in the moment?”

There is an element of faith here that when we live out of authenticity, and in an alignment with our values, things do start to fall into place. 

Peonies are my favorite flower. They start off like a tight round ball and then in time it blooms into this huge beautiful flower. Watching this slowly happen over a few days always reminds me of how life unfolds one petal at a time. 

We not only have to get out of our heads and stop worrying, but actually take a step towards the horizon so we can see what is right now just out of our sight.

This doesn’t mean that moving forward and making a change won’t take some planning and some effort.

But I know what it doesn’t take , worry.

 Worry does not do a lick of good. Sometimes OCD tricks us into thinking that the ACT of worrying is actually doing something helpful. Sometimes it lies to us and says that if we are responsible adults, then we should be worrying 24/7. This “shows” we care. 

Nope. Not true.

Creating a Mindful Response to Worry Thoughts

In order to end the cycle of worry and compulsive story telling, we need effective anxiety management strategies.

One effective skill is to carve out some time and plan your approach. If you need some particular information in order to move forward with your plan, establish a list of your questions. Next, devise where you will get those questions answered. Then get to work gathering the information. Afterward, taking concrete and actionable steps often provides some stress relief and reduces anxiety loops.

Be real with yourself that you WILL have doubts pop up and that is ok. It is to be expected! Keep working on your plan.

As you gather the information needed to make the next best step (not the perfect step), take that one step in the process. Keep heading in the trajectory you are aiming.

Returning to the Present Moment When Worry Arises

Stay out of Worryville.

When you are at work, watching your child’s recital, or in bed attempting to get a good night's sleep…the worry thoughts will undoubtedly creep in. 

Remind yourself that there’s nothing that you can do at that exact point in time to solve this situation. Going around and around in your mind is not helpful. It’s only going to make your anxiety increase. Worse yet, it is going to steal your focus, joy, and peace of mind RIGHT NOW.

Try not to judge your mind for going there…that is just what the mind does. Gently bring your focus back to the present moment. Check in with yourself, your senses, and your breath. Practice being here now.